


Story of a Broken Heart

by immortalje



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Past Relationship(s), Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-09-30
Updated: 2007-09-30
Packaged: 2017-12-13 11:14:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/823657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/immortalje/pseuds/immortalje
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean thinks of the present and the past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Story of a Broken Heart

**Author's Note:**

> AN: I like Sam just fine, but people can be blind on occasion and not notice that they're hurting someone with their actions (the same applies to Dean as well)
> 
> Beta: Becca
> 
> First posted to [my personal livejournal](http://immortalje.livejournal.com/161385.html) and later reposted to my [fandom community.](http://love-sacrificed.livejournal.com/27553.html)

**Story Of A Broken Heart**

There was a time when all he had needed was Sam lying in his arms after a tough hunt, knowing that he was alive and safe, after a passionate round of making love or simply enjoying being together. He had been able to face everything back then. He had had faith in what he was doing and loved his life. And then Sam chose to leave, leave the family behind, leave Dean behind and break off all contact and destroy the loyalty and trust they had risked their very lives for. And despite being about to be left behind he still had fought for both sides.

He had tried to convince Sam to stay when they were alone; knowing he himself could never give up the hunt and when Sam's refusal to change his mind had broken him he gave up the fight. Where he had tried to get his father and Sam to see both sides, he simply gave up and told his father to let him go. That simple sign of giving up had been what had made their father give up on Sam as well, only he reacted harshly where Dean simply didn't care any more. Because while Sam didn't realise that their father knew what they felt for each other, what they did late at night in bed and sometimes even in the middle of the day in some run-down motel, Dean sure as hell knew. When their father had first found out he had thoroughly threatened Dean not to hurt Sam and now he was the one hurting. They certainly hadn't expected that.

So Sam had to face a lot of anger the day he had left. John Winchester had been angry with Sam about leaving the family behind and for hurting Dean, as well as being angry with himself for never even thinking that Sam would hurt Dean. Dean knew that there was also some hidden guilt that John Winchester held about holding both of his sons back when it came to academics. And Sam had been the perfect victim for all of that. Dean had half wanted to comfort Sam for the tongue lashing he got and a part of him had wanted to just scream at him himself.

An hour after Sam had left, he had been told to pack. Another hunt. Dean knew that this was his father offering him a chance to heal, to move on and no matter how much he sometimes doubted his father in that moment he knew he was loved just as much as Sam and it had given him hope for the future. Neither of them had ever been much for talking about what they were feeling, but the months after Sam's departure, John Winchester had made damn sure that Dean knew he was loved and important and slowly he had learned to hunt without Sam to watch his back.

Now as he watched Sam sleep he wasn't sure what he needed any more. He wanted Sam to be like before he left, wanted to be like that as well, wanted their relationship back, but he had changed too much to still fit into that relationship. He had closed his heart off to survive and he couldn't trust Sam with the key to it. Not any more. Sometimes he wondered what would have happened without Sam's return, if he had refused to join him on the search for their father. Would Jess still have died? Would he still be alive? Or would he be in prison?

Maybe he should write another letter to Sam, damning him to all eternity.

Writing a letter had been Missouri's idea. Dean was still convinced that this had been the only reason why they had stopped there. She had told Dean to write that letter and vent in it. She had told him that he didn't need to send it, but that it would help him get over Sam. It had helped a lot and whenever he had missed Sam, he had read the letter and reminded himself why he shouldn't miss his lover.

He had hidden it at the bottom of his duffel bag where Sam would never find it. There was no need for Sam to know how much he had hurt him. The endless unanswered calls had proven how little Sam had cared about keeping him in his life. Not even the offer to simply be brothers had been taken.

Sometimes, he thought he saw Sam watching him, taking a step closer or wanting to say something and he just knew it was about restarting their relationship. In those moments he always felt like Sam wanted that closeness again as well, wanted things to be like they were before he left. Only Dean wasn't sure if he could risk it, shattering the illusions of things being like they were before and trying to turn it into reality, because while he trusted Sam with his life and soul, he couldn't bring himself to trust Sam with the safety of his heart again.

What had once been his sole reason to become calm and collected filled him with worry now, because he would always doubt Sam, because he would always wonder how long Sam would stay and he couldn't make himself belief that it would be for forever. Sooner or later Sam would leave him behind again and he couldn't risk his heart shattering a second time, because he knew that he wouldn't survive that.

The End


End file.
